Trauma, Crossroad Moments, and Parenthood

Near the end of her life, Dr.Jane Goodall gave an interview that was not to be televised until she died. It was her opportunity to leave the world with a chosen legacy. One of the most important messages she delivered was about the critical difference her mother made simply by being supportive. She described three pivotal moments when she might have had her dreams crushed, but her mom encouraged her to be who she was. She goes on to give her mother "a lot of credit" for her finding her path in life and becoming a success. At each of these three points in time it is easy to imagine her mother reacting differently. Rather than giving her daughter a supportive memory that urged her on to become the amazing person she became, she might have become angry or demeaning and diverted her path. I refer to these as "crossroad moments,“ the kind of pivotal, attachment-sensitive moments when a caregiver’s response can change a life trajectory. These moments are difficult to identify in the unfolding present and underline the importance of always putting a child's authentic becoming first. When anger, meanness, or invalidation characterize such times, they become "trauma moments." Reprocessing therapies like EMDR and Brainspotting can help reverse the damage of such moments; trauma therapy is not just important for addressing major Trauma.

Dr.Goodall put this so beautifully. It is an important message for parents to hear.

Dr.Jane Goodall on the gift of parenthood